Rape – Fragmented thoughts


If I’m driving a car without seat-belts on and I get hit, am I to blame for my death? Even if it could be proven without a shadow of a doubt that I would not have died if I had had seat-belts on, the most people would accuse me of is stupidity or negligence. Hardly anyone, I think, would say that it was my fault that I died.

None of the passengers on the missing Malaysia Airlines plane would have died if they had not decided to take that precise flight. Presumably, most of them decided to do so on their own, without any kind of coercion. But can they be accused of suicide?

Both driving and flying increase the chances of injury/death (driving more so), and yet I have not heard a lot of people saying that people should just not drive or take flights if they want to be alive.

As I have said before somewhere, a woman getting mugged and killed is unlikely to be held responsible for her own death, no matter how avoidable.

Why, then, is rape different?


Perhaps we use a very different kind of causal metaphor when thinking about sexual assault. Perhaps the biological dimension makes it easier to associate it with self-inflicted harm? Certainly, if I were to drink my liver to cirrhosis, nobody would be to blame but myself (unless I were a minor). The same is true for all kinds of self-destructive behaviour. We may wonder about whether there was a “deeper” cause, but that would not absolve us of the responsibility.

But any self-destructive habit is chosen (however un-free the choice may be), which implies that one can choose differently and thus avoid the harm. We can choose to give up drink, choose not to smoke, choose not to eat junk, choose to work out regularly, choose to sleep well, choose to respect ourselves more, choose to let go, choose to control our temper, choose to be optimistic.

Certainly, victim-blamers (i.e. woman-haters) do think that a woman can choose not to get raped by dressing and behaving appropriately. Perhaps they are, in fact, thinking in biological terms.

Sadly, they are wrong. For the simple reason that there is absolutely NO evidence that “covering” yourself, not associating with many men, or not staying out late at night significantly reduces a woman’s chances of being raped. If that were the case, parts of the world where female behaviour is strictly monitored and regulated would experience far lower cases of sexual assault. But that is simply not the case. Let alone the fact that most of this “advice” does not apply to sexual assault by close relatives and others who have access to a woman’s house, which makes up the bulk of all cases (to my knowledge).

Besides, 6-year-old girls do not, for the most part, dress “immodestly” or hang out with a lot of guys late at night. But they do get raped.


While talking to a friend today I commented on how curiously we have historically treated female sexuality. Historical literature would suggest that we have always considered women to have an insatiable, voracious sexual appetite, perpetually trying to tempt some hapless man. And yet when talking about rape the roles seem to get reversed – we have all heard some version of “Sheep cannot complain of being eaten if they stick their heads into a lion’s mouth”. Which is it, then?


Any incident of violence that receives a lot of media attention brings with it a refrain that has become very common on social media – “Everybody cares about so and so, but nobody said a word about this and that”. Of course, one cannot deny that the police must have been spurred on by the immense media coverage the Banani rape case received, and that this is not true for most cases of sexual assault throughout the country. It is important to point out the pervasiveness of the problem, but expecting the general public to care about the thousands of cases where no one of wealth and status is involved will surely lead to disappointment. And yet, we have to try. Sexual assault within the household receives, in comparison, almost no attention, despite being a veritable epidemic.


It is often the brutality of such cases that draws our attention. If asked to imagine a victim of sexual assault, we immediately form a picture of a physically battered woman (yes I know that men get raped too; there is no need to remind me). But in some cases obvious signs of physical harm are missing. This can happen if the woman is incapacitated in some way or decides not to put up a fight at all. I have heard first-hand accounts of both. In fact, it seems that many self-defense instructors actually recommend not putting up a fight if there is absolutely no way to escape. Regardless of whether this actually helps, it should at least tell us something – rape is rape, with or without a beating.


Are there false accusations sometimes? Yes. But here I have to make two points.

First – such “false” cases when they appear are so trumped up by the media that they appear to be more common than they actually are. They are, in reality, a truly small minority.

Second – given the complete social ostracization that rape victims go through here, even at the hands of their “loved ones”, the chances of anyone choosing that life just to win some cash are very, very low, though existent.


Finally, let us not treat these as monstrous aberrations. Rape is an extreme expression of what is taken to be “normal” gender relations by most of us, most of the time. Castrate rapists all you want – if we allow men to take advantage of women everyday in a thousand different ways, subtle or brazen, it becomes very difficult to stop a few of these men from taking what they know to be normal and right to extreme conclusions. The fight against rape is also the fight for gender equality. If we do not want our sons to become rapists, we cannot bring them up to be patriarchs.



Does this begin with hope? No. It begins with the knowledge that we are complacent, weak and we lack luster. 
Yet another rape case. Two girls this time. Will we let it slip through the cracks again? Will we sit by idly and twiddle our thumbs, then cluck our tongues in disapproval when the authorities decide to not bring the perpetrators to justice? We have our lives to lead. What lives? One where we go on thinking “nothing could be done”? Do your memes, the never-ending smorgasbord of series keep you distracted enough to not even spare a shred of thought to the injustices that prevail so heavily in our lives? Yes, our lives! Mine. Yours. Ours. I don’t have to sit here and tell you “it could have been anyone”. We know it well. 

It goes on and on and on, and all it gets out of us is a mere shrug and a meh? How have we become so desensitized? How have we stopped empathizing? When did we stop reacting? My mind dreams that one day something will shock us out of our stupefied stupor. Something that will bring us together and raise our voice loud enough to shake the foundations of impunity. 

Rape. Read that word three times, and notice how sour your tongue turns, and pay attention to the images your mind conjures. Rape. Rape. Rape. Can you? Do you feel the imposition? The absolute lack of consent? The decimation of the victims? I don’t like the word “victim”, because the connotations behind this word have shifted and become synonymous with “shame” and “dishonor”. For the love of love, don’t imagine “sex”, because that’s not what happened. It’s rape. Remember this as you read. Picture it. Let me paint it for you. 

Imagine two girls, decked out, excited they have been invited to a party. I am sure we have all been to a party. They trusted the men who invited them. How is trust gained? You think about this in relation to your life okay? Now imagine they are there in the hotel room, excited to finally be at the scene. The air in the room shifts, it’s palpable with malice as they realize something’s wrong, the men seem different than the ones who invited them. The girls can see it in their eyes, roaming any which way they please, as their actions slowly lose any humanness they might have ever possessed, as they drag them off into separate rooms threatening and coercive. 

We are in the room now. What do you see? Need I draw you this scene too? I will if you can stomach it. If your mind can see it. If you can really allow the image to burn into your brain and into the back of eyelids so you lose sleep from the weight of the oppression in the room, I will paint you this picture too. Held at gunpoint, a camera aimed, forced to be unrobed, pinned down and assaulted over and over, for probably what must have felt like an unending night. Can you not see it? Does it not hurt you?

Mind you, you may not dare to shift the burden of this crime. We are not allowed to think that we were not there, that we were not participating in what happened to them. We are culpable with our indifference, with our non-committal shrugs, with our godforsaken existential dread, with our passive silence. Ask yourself, if it is worth it to remain quiet. Ask yourself, if you have really done enough to exact justice. Kindly ask yourself, what will be enough, if anything? 

When will an example be set? When will the ones committing these crimes be held accountable? For how long are we going to just sit back and remain as immobile spectators? When do we decide it’s time? I decide it’s now. And I don’t hope for others to decide it, I demand that they do, I expect that they will. I have not lost faith in the mobilizing power of unity, of the unison call for justice. For punishment to be given to the rapists.

Personally, I vote for castration. Remove from them what they hold most dear, their pride.

Fuck you, ISIS. And fuck you too, America.

Yesterday afternoon, I was talking with a colleague about where the world was headed. We concluded that the emergence of far-right violence, whether in the East or the West, was to be expected.

On the global stage, Europe is disintegrating under the boot heels of a resurgent Fascism, the US is about to elect either a warmongering neocon or an openly racist and sexist buffoon. Islamophobia is at an all time high, and ISIS is continuing to wreak havoc. Under the combined onslaught of militant Islam and NATO intervention, the Middle East is fast becoming a wasteland.

In our own small corner of the world, a group or groups unknown, that may or may not be working under the directions of, let’s call it Big Jihad, are systematically targeting religious minorities, activists, intellectuals, bloggers, and dissidents in general. Law enforcement has responded with what can only be called a tidal wave of arrests, the effectiveness of which it is still too early to comment on.

So far, it seems that all we are feeling are the stray mosquitoes – we are still not in the middle of the swamp.

Then last night happened.

Once upon a time, Big Jihad was satisfied with its “small” targets; and when it wanted to make a splash, its rage would normally be targeted at the artist in us (remember the Ramna Pohela Boishakh attack). And yet something was different about last night. In the middle of a conversation, my friend commented on how “Western” this attack felt.

That’s it, isn’t it? Yes, there are echoes of Mumbai, but this was an attack on…a bakery? A coffee shop? A restaurant? That’s the kind of thing we are used to seeing in a European capital, not a Southern megalopolis. Who is the target now? In place of the artist, is it the consumer? The well-heeled? The white under our brown?

Is it meant to scare us? Or our guests from around the world? Is it meant to destabilize? To slowly slip the country away from the flailing hands of our government?

Or is it meant to set the scene for a new imperial adventure? Far fetched, perhaps, but the amount of screen time devoted by CNN does not bode well.

What it is, I do not know. But I do know what we don’t need right now.

We do not need a surveillance state. We do not need a police state. That has never worked. And it never will.

We do not need the red, white and blue. We do not need a US base here. We do not need Dhaka to become Baghdad.

Yes, we know that this is not Islam. But that isn’t, and never has been, the point.

What we need is to answer a (evidently not so) simple question: who is killing our brothers and sisters; our guests?

Is it the destitute, with nothing to live for but the promise of a better life after death? Is it the desperate, heart raging against those who have? Give them some rice to eat. Give them work, and the promise of a better life in this world, not the next.

Is it the lost, the empty, those who have the material, but not the immaterial? Those who yearn for a center, an idea? Meaning? Show them that meaning can be found, even in a world without a center. Show them that the world is beautiful.

Or is it the puppet masters, those who would kill their country men for foreign gold and oil? Cut off the money, and you will cut off their heads. In fact, cut off their heads too.

But in all of this, let us not forget who we are. We are musicians and singers, dancers and painters. Scientists and writers, thinkers and leaders. Architects and builders, designers and dreamers. Fighters, healers, protectors and martyrs. This is who we are. This is who we will always be. You cannot take that away from us.

So fuck you ISIS. And fuck you too, America. We will deal with this. On our own, in our own way. Without letting go of what makes us, us. We will fight, and we will win. Singing. And dancing.

The Red Pill – Some thoughts on a resurgent Left

If one is looking for evidence that reactionary right-wing romanticism is always an establishment tool, notice how white supremacy on the one hand and militant Islamism on the other can take the exact same steps as their intellectual ancestors took, and all you can hear is cries of xenophobia or fundamentalism.

Only those on the fringe, who can have no impact on grand politics, are calling it what it is – the rise of Fascism. It never happens any other way – economic stagnation, empty promises and hatred of the Other, until the charade is revealed when it’s too late.

But hear one whisper of regulation, social spending, progressive legislation, anything that can substantially improve the lot of the poor and the working class beyond charity and hand outs, and it is as if the entire establishment starts violently convulsing, thrashing its global supply chain arms, screaming STALIN!!! at the top of its voice.

Many are talking about the need for a resurgent Left. It begs the question – how can the right keep resurfacing so easily, and the Left cannot? Because the Left is not allowed to make empty promises. The right is never reminded of the historical consequences of its actions en masse – the Left cannot lift a finger without constantly apologizing for its history.

The reason that the Left cannot resurface any time soon is that global capital has convinced its subjects that they could not possibly stomach the logical consequences of a new socialism, while doing its best to keep them busy, distracted and desensitized with jobs, TV, Amazon and credit cards. Because they have co-opted history, co-opted the very idea of “freedom”, and reduced socialism to a pathetic spectre, so that most of those who still invoke the progressive promise will instinctively add a “but” after every demand. Sure we can fight inequality, sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia. We can fight poverty and hunger, war and destruction…BUT. Beyond that “but” lies the fear of what “freedom”, “equality” and “justice” actually mean when they stop being slogans and start becoming realities.

Unless we are collectively and democratically willing to pursue those words to wherever they may take us, the Left can only be those countless many who toil away their entire lives for a smidgen of real change, a drop of revolution – in grassroots activism, in hard core policy making, and in the realm of ideas, trying to give voice and improve lives one painful step at a time. Monumental, indispensable and inspiring as their efforts are, they cannot be more than tiny thorns in the foot of Leviathan.

The Left is the Red Pill; until we swallow it whole, we can never see the bottom of the rabbit hole.

Random quote of the day – France, 1894

“Gentlemen, in a few minutes you are to deal your blow, but in receiving your verdict I shall at least have the satisfaction of having injured the existing society, this cursed society in which one may see a single man uselessly spending enough to feed thousands of families; an infamous society that permits a few individuals to monopolize all social wealth, while there are hundreds of thousands of unfortunates who have not even the bread that is not refused to dogs, and while entire families are committing suicide for want of the necessities of life. Ah, gentlemen, if the governing classes could go down among the unfortunates! But no, they prefer to remain deaf to their appeals. It seems that a fatality impels them, like the royalty of the eighteenth century, toward the precipice that will engulf them, for woe on those who remain deaf to the cries of the starving, woe on those who, believing themselves of superior essence, assume the right to exploit those beneath them! There comes a time when the people no longer reason; they rise like a hurricane, and pass away like a torrent. Then we see bleeding heads impaled on pikes” – Auguste Vaillant, 1894; excerpt from the speech before the French Chamber of Deputies, prior to receiving sentence of death for a political crime. Emphasis my own.

The assumption of difference, the violence of judgment – Part I

Back in school there was this guy who, at the end of the day, would go around sitting on the chairs of all the “best” students in class (and no I wasn’t one of them – always a late bloomer it seems), because he hoped that their talents would, in a very literal sense, “rub off” on him. At the time I found it hilarious (and in a disturbingly mean way); now it just makes me sad. And a lot of that is because, without realizing it, he had come a lot closer to the truth than I’d realized (and I wouldn’t for a long, long time).

There a few things you learn if you teach for a living that can fundamentally change your entire narrative of how the world works. Correction – not “learn”. It isn’t that you necessarily learn anything new, but that you feel some truths for the first time. That is, of course, if you’re paying attention. And one thing that bothers me, perhaps above all else, is the assumption of stupidity; the judgment of intellect.

We are all in our own small ways guilty of it. Those who teach faced with those who either refuse to learn, or seem incapable of it. Those who succeed effortlessly faced with those who either couldn’t give a shit, or who seem to fail no matter how much of a shit they give. And worst of all, those who fail themselves, eventually resigning themselves to intuitively appealing explanations based on talent and effort – it seems (to most) that neither capacity is distributed in a very egalitarian manner. A large part of it is the structure of the education machine itself, but the problems with such industrial age factory-based systems are well known. What I’m trying to talk about is a lot more insidious. It is the problem of judgment – or more accurately, judgment that obfuscates and perpetuates deep structural social inequalities.

A twenty something who shrugs and confesses that she “just can’t do math” has already committed a serious crime against her own self which, if not corrected, will continue to hurt her all her life. There are reasons, of course, professed or internalized (or both), and they range quite widely. But almost all of them will fall under one of three labels: “I don’t like math” is one. Now I myself don’t care much for math, but nor do I like the sound of Cantonese very much; we learn the languages we need for our purposes, whether it’s economic modeling or two years abroad in Hong Kong. This is by far the easiest of the cases to deal with; the other two are much, much harder – “I’m not working hard enough”, and the worst one, “I just don’t have the mind for it”. But since working “hard” is useless if you’re not working the right way, the former can largely be subsumed under the latter.

A tragedy of our time, here and now, is that one of the few distinctions we are still allowed to make even in seemingly educated circles, after having discarded gender, race, class, sexual orientation, religion, ethnicity and so many other false divisions, is the distinction between “intelligent” and “stupid” (usually expressed more euphemistically). Not only is this distinction a profound lie, it is a fundamentally dangerous one, capable of slowly but surely crippling life after life without ever arousing suspicion.

To be sure, mental retardation is real, and so are prodigies. Outliers aside, however, most of us are so (surprisingly) close to the average that it’s almost a little sad. And yet, understanding this is crucial, because the biggest mistake that someone who is “failing” at something can make is deifying the successful. Recognizing failure is the first step in the right direction; normalizing it is a giant leap backwards. It is easy to take that wrong step after seeing people who appear to be succeeding with almost half the effort, but do you truly believe that they are twice as smart as you? If you do, you are almost certainly wrong. Most human beings do not differ that much in terms of “inherent” intelligence or ability, and chances are that you and everyone you know are not among the outliers, no matter what many would have you believe. Society loves to deify and separate the masses from the “elite” – saying “oh of course she can, she’s a genius” is the easiest way to forget about her altogether, and stifle all the normal jealousy and envy and competitiveness that we feel with our contemporaries. But how can one be successful while only having failures as benchmarks? What we have is a lie that is as dangerous as it is comforting. Anyone who thinks that they are inherently very smart, is almost certainly not as smart as they think. And anyone who thinks that they are inherently very stupid is almost certainly a lot less so.

We appear to be disturbingly comfortable with what I like to call assumptions of difference. To take an example from a class I teach – with a simple additive social welfare function (meaning that social welfare is just everyone’s welfare added together), assuming that everyone has identical utility functions that depend only on income (people only care about money and derive exactly the same satisfaction from it), that these utility functions exhibit diminishing marginal returns to income (every dollar makes you happy, but the 100th dollar makes you a lot happier vs the 99th than the 1000th vs the 999th – money’s good but gets a little boring after a while), and that the total income available in the economy is fixed, then the optimal (most socially desirable) income distribution is perfect equality. This is because in this model, taking a rich guy’s 1000th dollar and giving it to a poor guy does make the rich guy a little worse off, but it makes the poor guy a lot “more” better off than the rich guy is worse off (perhaps that dollar is the 100th one for the poor guy) – this means that social welfare (in the net) has improved. In fact, we can keep doing this until we reach a point where we can no longer take money away from someone and give it to someone else without hurting social welfare, because at that point the former is exactly as worse off as the latter is better off – this is the point of perfect equality.

A radical conclusion, but the holes in the model are obvious (it would seem). It is enough for our purposes here to focus on the first assumption. Utility functions can’t be observed (your preferences are a black box – all we can see is behaviour), so it is simply impossible to determine whether everyone’s utility functions are indeed the same. This is the point where I ask – if, hypothetically, we were able to actually observe utility functions, would you still expect them to be (roughly) the same for everyone? Every single time, the overwhelmingly popular answer is NO.

Isn’t that curious? Instead of the logically sound “we can’t tell either way”, we seem to naturally gravitate towards assuming difference. Reasons given range from “well, people are just different” (why though?) to “we’ve all grown up in different circumstances and environments” (if that is the case, why assume difference and not pursue equality instead of assuming sameness, pursuing equality, and then seeing if the differences actually persist?). There is not a shred of actual evidence to justify such an overwhelming response, while there is quite a good deal of evidence to go the other way.

Part of it may simply be a lack of perspective – the differences stand out to us even if they are really meaningless in the greater scheme of things. We tend to mistake a taste for coffee as different from a taste for tea, whereas they are both a taste for hot caffeine-based stimulants. We see the difference between the top of the class and the barely passed and we forget that they are both in the same course, studying in the same university – they are both part of a still privileged few. We see that some people spend their money on tehari and some on sashimi (damn I could use some of both right now), and we conclude that it would be wrong to assume that they have the same preferences. But that is simply a question of levels of abstraction – they are both prone to spending their money on feeding themselves.

All of that may account for some of it, but I think the greater problem is our inability to identify the channels through which circumstance and environment shapes us, our inability to connect the dots and draw a mental map of the series of key turning points in our lives that led to where we are (largely beyond our control), and our inherently narcissistic memory that naturally subscribes achievement to the self and over-inflates the scope of our agency. Imagine, if you will, that a girl is not doing particularly well in college. And now think about the 20 something years that this girl has lived until this moment. Isn’t it possible that at least a few events (which may or may not have been thought important as they happened) may have occurred in all that time which ended up playing an important part in nudging her life to precisely this moment and situation? Parents’ income, level of education, social and cultural capital, time of birth, place of birth, gender, childhood nutrition, parents’ income and lifestyle over the course of the daughter’s life, upbringing, exposure to books at home, family’s religious inclinations, domestic stability, affection given and on display at home, choice of school, peer group, friend circles, teachers and mentors, exposure to different socio-economic strata, geographical exposure, role models, choice (or lack thereof) of entertainment at home, choice of entertainment by friends – all of this is just scratching the surface. Imagine that each of these is a continuous variable that can take an immense multitude of values, and that each of these has an impact (from the minute to the permanent) on the ability of the girl to perform in college right now, and realize then just how different it could have been. Faced with this realization, can it ever be intellectually honest to not assume that we are indeed more inherently similar than different? Only if we can conclusively show that, under any permutation of the above list of factors, she would have grown up to be in the exact same situation, with the same abilities, skills, personality and character traits as she has now. That is clearly impossible, and the odds against such a result are enormous.

This reasoning can be extended to attack any argument from inherent difference – women are naturally suited to the private sphere, the poor are poor because they are lazy and have too much sex, certain races are inferior, certain cultures are more prone to corruption, certain religions more prone to violence – the list is endless. In every single one these cases, the only intellectually and morally defensible position is to assume similarity, not difference, until proven otherwise under identical circumstances over a sufficiently long period of time. To deny yourself this realization in the face of apparent failure, to deny others the psychic sanctuary of this truth when they are faced with your own relative success – that is the violence of judgment.

To be continued